Hi everyone bouncy pony here it's been a really really tough day and when I say tough I mean a 2 hour meltdown..... All because my carer made me take my iPad out with me to be able to speak when out...... Now what u may not understand and the parts to me that you don't see is the anxious , agitated, stressed, scared feeling I get around needing to communicate.... I have refused to take my device out with me slowly over the last few weeks where I'm now at the point where because of my selective mutism and the anxieties surrounding communication how ever that may be I will not take my iPad out of my house and most definitely won't turn it on!!! My carer knows how much it helps me to talk and my behaviour has got worse and worse without me communicating and I'm really struggling to cope so she knew she had to start somewhere and that was today the deal was I took my iPad out with me I didn't have to use it but I had to take it out.... Within 10 minutes of being out she had to pullover in the car and I had one of my worst meltdowns in a long time.... I wanted you all to see its not all rosy and cosy in my world all of the time in fact a lot of the time I am on a daily battle just to ask for a drink! After I calmed down I managed to relax a bit more and got used to wearing my device again and at the end of the day I managed to have it turned on for 1 hour.... This caused huge anxieties and near enough a panic attack because I wanted to turn it off so it was a blank screen again.... But my carer talked to me and we worked through the feelings I had and the fear I felt until it wasn't so scary after all. We listened to my favourite music in the car and by the time I got home I was so proud of myself for doing it! While it may seem like nothing to you it is HUGE to me this is the first step into talking again which will be gradual but slowly and surely I'll be back and happier than I am now..... It's never to late to learn to talk and it's not a smooth path when there is autism AND selective mutism involved but those who love and care for you will need to buckle there seat belts and hold on the ride!! It's sure to be a bumpy one! I hope u will join me on my road to talking again....
The not so glamorous side of autism... When I managed to bite a chunk of my hand while my carer was looking for my chewy I can bite when I'm stressed...... This is the side people don't share but this is a side I think you all need to see so you know I'm a normal human being with autism and a lot of difficulties despite I learnt to speak through my device unless it's consistent it soon becomes a HUGE fear!
Speak to u again soon! Bouncy pony
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